whaaa

A bitter cold thursday. Yesterday was not any better, huge storm, roads blocked, DVP slow from lakeshore...and 10am neuro lecture. Being the "smart" one that i am, i decided to drive, even though my dad insisted that i ride the rocket. I drove local to "avoid the traffic".. it took me almost 1hr to get to school, it usually takes me 25min. The last segment of my journal involved a steep hill in a "valley" (part of UTSC property...we call it "the valley" ^__^) ...i was going a little fast, so i breaked...then i swirlved...did a 180 and half way fell into the dipped side of the road- that woke me up. Luckily, there were no cars for a while, eventually i got out. High cortisol level.

Today: school from 10-7pm, 4hrs of lecture, 5hrs of break. Efficient?..yes =) 1hr of the OC (so wrong, they're going into lesbian territory!) ...1.5hrs of plant physsiology...couldn't do it anymore.

Just something that's been on my mind since yesterday's neuro tutorial..my TA, whose working on her Phd for faculty of medicine downtown told us about grad school. I was really interested and been thinking about it for a while. She talked about grants, applying and finding a supervisor. My friend asked her about grades, she said at least a 3.6 for the "easier" faculties at UT...but she needed a 3.9 for faculty of med...i think so myself, "3.9? are you crazy..?.. meanwhile i'm struggling with my B+"...- more cortisol secreted. So much for that plan.

Seems like all the programs most ppl are in are "practical"..whether it be business admin, HR, ITM, ECE/Con-ed, Eng etc etc, they know where it can lead them, where they want to go and how their skills can be used. In the past while, many ppl have asked me, 'so amanda, what do you want to do after uni...be a brain surgeon *chuckle*?" (admit it, you did that at one time or another)...that question has become one of the things i fear, up there with questions asking my weight or GPA lol...primarily because i feel 'put on the spot', 'caught in the act' ..."uh oh, what to say, what to say, think! think! think!"

In high school, i wanted to become some health professional.. dentist, pharmacist, physio, optomitrist, chiropractor and (dear i say it..) a doctor...mainly because if i were to ever do missions long term, these skills would be the most "practical"..everyone needs medical attention, especially in rural areas. The aspiration of becoming a general practitioner quickly died.. then it was pharmacy, it's almost like a doctor and you'll be a LEGAL drug dealer...after first year chem, i realized that was also a dead end. I also realized a bachelor in science means nothing and does nothing...you need at least a masters to be useful. At this point you're probably wondering, 'WHY THE HECK IS SHE IN SCIENCE?"...because i like it? because i enjoy it? because i'm curious. In high school i took 1 "business" related course, oac economics..it ended up being my highest mark (b/c of my super easy teacher) but i hated it..that was my "nap" class. I can never see myself studying anything related to business.. i'd stab myself in the middle of a lecture (probably not b/c hopefully you get the melodrama), if you saw how i was during the budget discussion at the annual meeting at church, oh my, that was close. So now, i don't know. I feel like i'm at a 'dead end'...is God closing doors? But why would he give me a passion and curiosity for something i can never excel at? ...sigh.. it boggles me. In high school, this missionary doctor that went to peoples when she was in high school came and shared...she said she's not a smart cookie, she's just an average Jane..only avg marks in high school but wanted to be a doctor...so she had to work a little harder than everyone else in order to get the same results as those smart Jane's..i think i need to work harder, maybe not 3.9 but not settle what those current three digits....OR..perhaps it's like a chemical pathway..you don't just make pyruvate straight from glucose..there are lots of intermediate steps in between.. ah, wish i knew which mechanism i'm part of.

If not, i'll transfer into arts or mangement (heaven forbid)

...this is how you know i'm pmsing =)

Oh, here's the science tid bit for the day...in molecular bio we were talking bout sequence binding in DNA's..so if you chopped it up into sequences, how long will it take for it to find it's complementary partner. In DNA, there's some highly repeated sequences, moderate and more "unique" sequences. So as you can imagine, those that are highly repeated can find their partner faster and so on. The prof mentioned that the "unique" ones may take weeks or even months to pair up....then he talked bout other stuff..but when he mentioned that, i thought about finding your spouse (since some specific ppl have been mentioned alot about that lately *no names* =)) ...how for some ppl, they may find their pair faster, others moderate time frame and for those "unique" individuals, it might take them longer..but they're the segments of DNA that are "more important" =) ...i dunno, the analogy sort of breaks down from there. Point being, at the end, it still find its pair, just a big longer =)