It's over

I quit my job 2 days ago...my last shift is next week. I'm scared but very excited. It's my first time being "umemployed" since i was 15. No wait, i was unemployed for a few months in gr12. But ya...i've wanted to quit for a long time now...i think more than a year but i've never had the guts to follow through. It's comforting knowing that i'll have a stable "income" so i don't have to ask my 'rents for $$$..but like they say, 'make more or spend less' (it's from a movie on the Woman's Channel) I've weighed and thought about this for a long time..like andrew once shared, 'if you don't take the risk, you can't receive the blessing'. I've missed out on so much in this past month espeically with oasis...partially due to exams but the other is work. I really want to enjoy my "post-childhood years" - serving oasis and enjoying my studies...with nothing overshadowing me, haunting me to go to bed early on friday night b/c i have to wake up at 7:45am on saturday. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and just do it!

We spent last night at a dinner party with a bunch of family friends- same place, same people every time...it's been like this since i can remember...probably for 12 years now. I was really excited all day...it was "the light at the end of the tunnel" during my 7hr shift. It's usually lots of fun. I go and play w/ the kids, they're so cute....they're still really cute.. we'd play card games like signal..or tell stories...i dunno, makes me feel like a child again with no worries or "mature" thoughts. But alot of the kids have grown so much in this 1 year (i see them once a year)..the girls were...i dunno what they were doing..i think playing games online..and the boys were killing each other..and they're all at the tween age...not knowing what their cup of tea is but simultaneously insecure about who they are. Sigh. Then i talked to the big kids (my age), two of the guys are at UT..one in pharm and the other in 2nd yr life sci....not much fun either...i felt belittled cuz i go to the weird UTSC campus and they all go to the "real UT"...even though some are too proud to admit that they hate it...sigh.. i least i don't want to burn down my school down.

I spent the rest of my night sitting with my mom and her friends as they chatted. Wow. I've never heard/ experienced so much gossip in one night. I realized the whole night was just for tradition that any real value that christmas held was lost. Everyone wants the juice on everyone else...the first thing one of the aunties said to me was...'WHA....dan dan, you look pretty...what are you studying now? huh? ...what are you doing to become with that degree? do you have a boyfriend yet?"...and then later in the evening..."dan dan, what's your gpa?"...sigh..i felt so interrogated. Everyone has to put up a front in order to impress everyone else. Where's the transparency in that?

I took my grandparents out to lunch today. It was good spending time with them. I know they get really lonely..and i can tell that they like it when i come over. But the feeling is mutual...they're quite entertaining =)