a mesh of everything: Zero, Reason and Evolution

It's been a good week. Many things to learn from. The week started off slow, as usual...mondays are always a nice way to get into the week. On tues, I had a spontanous evaluation of my competency in stats..aka. "surprise" quiz. We all knew about it. But since it's best 2 out of 3 quizzes, and this being my last, i didn't bother studying. Ha....aot 0!. ZERO!!! Ah. I wasn't sulking over it but it goes to show what studying can do.

On thurs, i had the privledge of attening a seminar by my ecology prof entitled, 'Alternatives to Medicine'. I went to this seminar last year.. that was the first time i heard him speak. I think he was alot more inspirational this year or perhaps the fading memory of the past has hindered its effect. I really respect this man. His intengrity and and passion truely inspire me. And on thursday, he shared his convictions with about 400 undergraduates. If you know me well, some of you maybe sense a long monologue coming on he hee. To give you some info about this guy, he has a degree in chem. He has his MD (medical doc)- finished top in his class. He taught at Western Med school. He has his post doc and currently does research & teach at utsc. He said he wanted to be doc cuz he wanted to help ppl..but at about 3rd yr, he realized that a doc is like a mechanic..you figure out what's wrong and try to fix it. So instead of being in a profession that does that..which may get tedious, he decided to pursue a career that is more creative..that find cures, that requires...more thinking. He said how the brightest students shouldn't be pursuing med, they should be pursuing research. I partially agree w/ that..but some people are ment to be doctors. He also talked about "raison d'etre"... you don't have to be a doc to help ppl...you can work at the bank and help ppl...or raise your kids in a Godly manner and that'd be helping. He basically said that most ppl wants to be a doc for the glory, fame and ofcourse $$$. He said the doctors like those w/ Doctors w/o Boarders are the ones who deserve our respect...the docs who are trying to find cures are the real deal. It was motivational...not so much to go into research or go into med school or any particular profession for that matter...it motivated me to find my place...to find God's place for me...to find my 'reason to be'....to be and be doing what it is i will be doing...and in all of it, to love it. I know that with only a B.sc., it will get me nowhere..and that kinda makes me sad..but as the One who provides open doors, i'd be gladly to walk thru...and if this door closes for me...i'll take the humble position.

Speaking of which, i find myself 'nervous' about taking "Evolution" next semester. I've been struggling on and off with this througbout the semester. It's difficult to articulate how i feel about it partially b/c i'm not really sure what my stance is yet. I know there are different segments or parts of evolution...some i don't agree with and others i can't possibly deny. I think my wrestling w/ this issue is my inability to come to terms with understand how such beliefs can coexist with my faith and the implications of that. Arg. I don't like discussing this issue w/ some ppl (perhaps it's my pride) b/c they're talking gibberish..when they think of evol'n, they think big bang and apes into humans....hunny, there's so much more! Competition, predation...they're are forces that drive natural selection..and ultimately change...and we see this everyday. I wish i can speak with an older Christian..and has wrestled with this themselves...

One person i've shared this with and whose opinion i trust is a friend at school. He's also a Christan and is hardcore when it comes to science. He shared the similar struggle... he said how maybe we just need to take that humble position of not knowing. I'm okay with not knowing about how everything came to be the way it is...if God created everything the way it is now or what not. I just want to know how being a Christian and a scientist can coexist peacefully- if i'm doing research, i can't just say 'oh, God made it like this'. I would lose all respect and integrity as a scientist. But how 'far' do i go as to defending evolution? I know science isn't everything..it can't explain everything...there is no evolution of the soul. But arg..I don't want to run away from this issue; butter it up and hide it under the couch. I don't think we're meant to avoid an issue just because it's hard. Oi. The truth sets us free..and God says we'll find truth if we seek it.

Finally, on fri, went to stats..then lunch with the friend i mentioned in the above. It was fun times..we discovered we both know the same girl from ottawa (childhood bestfriend)...it was also nice to talk to him just cuz he's SOOO smart..and ambitious and humble..wow.. it sorta motivated me... we went back to school to study but saw my ecology T.A. & anita..so we talked for a while about predation models..the guy is pretty cool and it was helpful. Studied a bit and then went to see incredibles w/ peoples people..GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK BRENT! the movie is so good! he hee...we went for coffee after..then mickle came after work and 'spiced up' the conversation =) I love my black stallion.