Had to write this down before i forgot.

If i feel this way right now, how much more disappointed and upset God must be because his feelings for me are so much stronger. Each time i break a promise..everytime i say that i 'love him' but never following it up with my actions. How much his heart must ache. Yet his love for me is unfailing. He treasures this relationship and will continue to give it time to grow. How patience with me is beyond my ability to fathom.

So i turn around and look back at myself. How quickly i start to build walls around me when things go wrong; how i put myself in self pity and disappointment; how fast i give up hope; how finite my patience.

Too many times in the past, i dove into things while safety netting myself. I was reminded that sometimes we need to jump without holding back- even if i might be setting myself up for a big fall. I want to stop only taking the steps that are visible...i want to be all in, fearless of the hurt factor.

Here i go =)