Exam Craze

I was washing my face yesterday before going to bed. All of a sudden, i realized that my faced smelled REALLY REALLY fruity...and for some reason my facial cleanser was ultra foamy...
...that's when i realized that i use my antibacterial hand soap from bath and both works in sun riped raspberry instead.

I'm going crazy.

I was at vcf and found myself engaging in really superficial converstaions. When i'm around ppl i don't know well, i totally shutdown- pure surface talk. I also found face stuck in a perma smile. The kind that doesn't convey any real emotion but aims to make others assume that you're 'friendly' or 'happy'.

Previously, i've had conversations w/ ppl about how christians feel pressured to be 'happy' all the time. And i think i've been 'criticized' cuz i'm not bouncing off the walls- that i'm too serious.

Jeeper. Can't a person be content and mellow at the same time? Just cuz i'm not acting like Tigger does not mean i'm depressed. I'll still laugh at your jokes- only if they're funny (i have a high threshold).

But yes, i do find myself falling into this trap. I feel as if i'm not testifying rightly if the image i give off is that my life is not perfect all the time. When i was showering today, i realized that witnessing is not us make believing to others that we have everything together. Witnessing can be done through our REACTIONS to the frustrating circumstances and stupid people around us. We're constantly reminded at church that following Christ is the 'road less taken'...and if our lives reflect that... why can't our actions? I'm not justifying actions of pessimism but if i'm stressed, then i'm stressed. If i'm upset at something, thn that's what it is. I'm a christian but i'm not stupid. I hate feeling this pressure to coat my every emotion so it's nice and fluffy for everyone else.

I'll complain if i have to but at the end of the day, i acknowledge that it's MY GOD that gets me through it.

I miss my mom.

1 more week of classes- the next month is going to be brutal cosidering my exam schedule but at the same time i'm kind of excited. A test of my mental strength, BRING IT ON!

I'll take you down microbial biogeochemitry! GRRRRRR