The great eruption of my frustration volcano

Why do they get lecturers who can't teach in grad school?
I thought those undergrad days were long gone. ARGH. So frustrating.

More to come next week.

You may say to yourself, "My power and strength of my hands have produced

this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God,

for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.

Deut 8:17-18a

God has been good in reminding me that getting into this program was by HIS miraculous works and not due to my 'smarts'.

I had my very first PSE (Practical Skills Exam) yesterday for the cardioresp unit. For those who don't know what it is. It is an exam that tests our practical skills...hah. There were 6 stations in all and we were given 1 minute to read a scenario, which include the condition of the patient and what physio 'techniques' to perform. Then we get 4 minutes to go in and perform it on a 'patient' (the school hires actors). There was also a clinical evaluator in the room to examin your abilities. It reminded me of the mac interview.

So despite alot of practice on some friends (THANK YOU FRIENDS!), I was REALLY REALLY nervous about this. I was scribbling notes as I was reading the questions and my pen broke! I walked into my first station and i forgot the patient's name! I went into another station and I forgot part of the treatment I was suppose to do and at the end I had to verbalize to the clinician what i WOULD have done. And for the chest x-ray station, we were asked to identify the sturctures that were labelled and write down the pathology. But still i was still REALLY REALLY nervous. Jeepers. I seriously have issues. And then there's the whole post-exam reflection that haunts you for at least a few days.

For friends who are considering applying to physio for next year. Make sure that you REALLY want to do this. It's an amazing profession but there's also a high price to pay in between.

Month 3(/24)

It's offically month 3, week 10, day..something into my new program and I am tired and discouraged. I mentioned to a couple of people that it feels like frosh year all over again- where your marks drop significantly and your weight goes up significantly. Trust me, it's pretty sad.
I've also shared with some friends about my recent anatomy mark. Not only is it bad but i failed. We had a bellringer 2 weeks ago and it was one of the most stressful 40min in the past 3 months. I've written bell ringers before, in high school, in undergrad but this was INTENSE. I was able to literally feel my heart palpating, my hands were shaking, I couldn't get my thoughts organized and I kept getting confused about my left and right sides. It seems like in the last two years, my Heavenly Father has opened every door, window and garage entrance to get me the 'right' credentials for this program. And now that I'm in, I'm being knocked down right, left and center. It's not a good feeling. Not at all. Alot of people have said that I will get use to the intensity but it's hard to believe when my pile of notes to through continues to grow with each passing day; I've had to transfer them from a folder into a BINDER cuz it was getting too big.

Something else that's different about this program is that I have friends again! Woot! ha ha.. Not only do I see some of them on weekends but I even go out during the school week too!!! I know, it's unheard of. Let me introduce you to the new and improved (but failing) Amandar. It all began when my school friends kept commenting about how hardcore I was. That's when I realized that most people had a social life, even during the school year. So I tried it and was addicted haha. As a result I'm going to try 1-2 'fun' things a week..very exciting. And honestly, the intensity of this program has let me to understand why people go out on friday nights, something I never quite grasped in undergrad.

I have also been seeking why God brought me to UT specifically. Besides that fact that it has the best PT program in the country (hahaa), why else did he want me on this campus and learning with the other 82 future PT's. So I've been looking and looking; specifically, for opportunities to serve and bless others. It's been difficult at times because I'm not naturaly a happy go lucky kind of gal, especially at 8am on a Monday morning in a room full of cadavers. And my nature to talk is when others have finishes speaking and sometimes that never happens. So it's been kind of challenging in that sense. I'm just really quiet compared to most of the other people. HOWEVER. I feel like my recent failing mark in anatomy has brought me some kind of weird bond with the other people that failed. And it's really cool because I've never talked some of these people before and now all of a sudden we have something to relate to and encourage each other about. So I guess..just maybe God is working in this mysterious way and it makes me feel less bad about the mark- all for the kingdom of God =) ...but I wouldn't mind if he used me in another way next time.

Prayer request: understanding of schoo material, time management with studying and rest.
Thanks friends.

P.S. I have my practical skills exam in 3 weeks so if you would like to help me practice by being a patient, please let me know. You will need to take off your shirt for some fo the chest physio stuff (not all) but I am VERY professional.. so don't worry about me pointing and laughing at anything =)