Last one

My last chance to procrastinate before hibernating. Neuro exam in 3 days- this one is known to fail ppl. Only 7 passed last year. Right now, I know nothing.

This weekend.
I stayed at school til around 6pm to study on friday night. I love studying there when the school is empty. It feels like you have the whole campus to yourself...but it can get a little scary. Went to oasis...it was nice to get there early to pray for the retreat (Thanks for organizing/serving aaron). Oasis went well, i really enjoyed our discussion. I needed the reminder that worship is a lifestyle.
So tired, went out for coffee after- not regreting it, just really tired =)

Went home and studied til 3am. My friend came around 10am. I took her to pacific mall and she went nuts. Over stimulation for the poor deprived-ottawa girl. I quote her, "who needs to go to china to buy food when you can come to toronto?". We spent about 6hrs there- i've never been in that mall for so long. Omgosh...we must have spent 2hrs just looking at sationary....in the SAME store (to all you men out there, i feel for you). We later had kbbq with a mutual friend that use to go to OttawaU and now goes to UTSC.- good times. We went home and talked .mostly about boys for a bit then she went to bed. I finsihed making my study notes and went to bed. So tired.

I picked her up from her interview this morning then we went for lunch at the big chinatown. Again, she bought lots of food. She thinks i'm crazy cuz i'm not drinking bubble tea 24/7 and show no special attraction to chinese bakeries.

Although i didn't get direct chance to witness to her, i hope she saw some difference in me through our conversations and interaction in the day and half. I recall the last time she visited a few years ago, i was super shameless and just started witness to her. Ah. Sometimes i think i need that kind of naivity and just sharing openly & freely about Christ. But then again, most ppl are not converted by one conversation.. She said we need to keep in touch via msn, so hopefully the Holy Spirit will work in her. Btw, i met this girl in gr1 ...and our mom's have been super close since...yep, craziness!

After she left, i studied for a bit and then took a nap. Feeling gross.
Went to the MSI (missions agency i'm applying to go to china with) prayer meeting. It went relatively well. I got more info about the trip i'm applying for and it was really awesome praying & conversing w/ ppl who also have a burden for china. GO CHINA! A doctor was sharing about his upcoming trip to china for 4 months. Some of the things he shared really stuck with me. I don't remember the exactly quotes but here is the just of it:

1. Unless we get a calling to stay home, we should be serving in missions- not the other way around
2. Our life is like a battery...are we going to give it up and serve God when we're reached retirement (the battery is almost dead) or are we going to give it over to him when it's still full (when we're in our prime).

i went to study and remembered the 3rd point he shared,
3. There's a story of James Hudson Taylor (founder of OMF) & Mr Ni, after converting a buddhist monk. The monk asked Taylor how long he's known of this Truth...Taylor replied a one hundred so years. The monk asked, "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?"..the monk's father was seeking truth and has now passed away....at this time, Taylor was 21 years old. sigh...why don't WE go sooner?

the harvest is plentiful & the workers are few. Ask and you shall receive.

Lastly, as he shared about his reasons and burden to go. It made me think about my own. Alot of my friends and especially friends from family connections are spending and heavily working towards getting into this med school or that pharm school...or pursuing whatever grad study. I think somewhere that has not completely reached my consciousness, a part of me is afraid of doing these things b/c i'm afraid of rejection/disappointment/ being compared to those who have "succeeded"...so i simply resort to the default position of not even trying.

So i question myself...am i only serving b/c i don't want to "compete" with others in research positions or by writing the mcat or ____ ....i know the reason why i'm going to china this summer, there's no doubt about that but i still question myself. Perhaps my willingness to serve overseas is b/c i'm NOT afraid to give up time or whatever it is b/c i'm not going to pursue those things anyway-....then i'm NOT giving God my best, i'm only giving him my default plan...

Even as i putting these words down and read them, i believe there's a spiritual battle going on, one involving doubt & fear. Keep me in your prayers.