I don't think i'm over 'it'...but then again, the heart can be deceitful.
I need a better balance between the truths i know and the illusions i feel.

12 more days.

For sure another year at UTSC.. unless God does some crazy miracles.
I'm not sure how things will work out if certain things work out..will i have to commute 4hrs each day? ...oh mama

Awesome retreat. Thanks for Providing!

It's sad how i don't get to "talk" to my grandma until we're "forced" to be together. I love that lil old lady =)

She had an angiogram today (i like saying it b/c they always say it on House..heh)
5:30am: Get up & shower
6:10am: pick up grams; followed by Timmies
6:30am: St. Mikes
7:40am: Into the scary room. Meanwhile i fell asleep in the waiting room. The surgery waiting room is really nice...with super comfy chairs...plus it was so early.
8:20am: Awaken by nurse
12:20: Went to buy lunch @ Eaton Centre
2:20: Home

Between the gaps, my grams and i had some really nice chats/laughs. She's so cute, i love her.

And....they found nothing wrong with her heart.

3ish: Granny's place. I was SOOOO super sleep but then my mom came and made me korean noodles (the cold kind, so yummy). I ate so much. Then i sat down..and fell asleep! Later my grandpa came to sit beside me and he fell asleep too- his snoring woke me up ha haa.

Stayed, chatted.
Left for Oasis: Faith is having confidence in our hopes. Ask with Faith- Pray with expectation =)

Irene, i know you're reading this...i'm excited =)
Babe (i.e. Mic)...let's do that THING you always want to do next next week =))..but a white one

Due to our LOI for only being 30 days, my visa will also be 30 days..thus i will be leaving Beijing on August 10. I'm really disappointed that i can't stay another week so i can meet up with Miss Hammy Ham.

Go as the Lord plans. Oh well, maybe i'll visit her in SanFran.
However two of my teammates will be joining me in Beijing for 5 days. I'm going to take them touring...little do they know that i've only been in China twice since i was 5yrs old. hehee

Alot of things are up in the air right now. Big changes ahead. Pls pray for wisdom



Signing Out

Training

6:45am: Meet at morningisde
9 am: Arrive at Fort Erie
2pm: Lunch
8pm: Dinner
11pm: Home
2am: Sleep

One crazy day. The trip finally feels like reality. I'm amazed by the different people God chose for this trip:
- 1 elementary teacher
- 1 principal
- 1 high school teacher (accounting & computers)
- 1 high school teacher (math & physics)
- 1 occupational therapy student
- 1 engineer student
- 1 nurse
- Amanda

Although we only have one chance to meet before teaching in China, the Spirit quickly united us throughout the day. From learning songs to volunteering for different roles, our burden and willingness to serve overrid any other differences. Please continue to pray for this team- that the enemy will not hinder our unity. The more we talked about the things we're going to do, the more excited i became. Two of the girls might come to Beijing with me after the trip.

Needless to say that i had alot of fun on saturday..so tired after but it was worth it. I can't wait to meet up with everyone in a month =)
BTW, we got the letter of invitation, PRAISE GOD!

Crazy week ahead. By the end, i'll master the art of organization planning.

Kaleidoscope

The image changes with each turn- no matter how suble. Sometimes the simplest arc can produce the most beautiful projections. Others, not so much.

Life has been similar. Confined within a little cylinder are countless combinations and permutations of the most beautiful or horrific images...of thoughts. How can two extremes co-exist?
One of the greatest challenges as a first generation Christian is consistency- in this case, at home. To live with integrity at home. To be a testimony to your parents/siblings 24/7. Since they have known you the "n" number of years of your life, it's difficult for them to take you seriously. Then there's the pride factor- parents should experience things first, not the other way around. On the other hand, it's tempting to 'let yourself go', since there isn't much of an expectation for "Christian standards" in the first place. I often find myself living a double life in those little things; in the things that add up.

Although i've been praying for my parents for quite a number of years and it's discouraging. As a result i often find myself more enthusiastic to evangelize to those i don't know..rather than those that sleep in the next room. In that sense, i almost feel 'guilty' that i'm going away this summer, meanwhile there are unbelievers living under the same roof.
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The past month has been slow and painful- mostly slow. It's difficult to do nothing but i can't say that i miss school (not yet). I still feel caught in the dangers of freetime- unproductivness.

In terms of relationships, i think the time when i more "desire" one is when i feel furthest from God. That's been my recent epiphany.

We all want to be loved and not be alone..but it's where you channel it. What good is a relationship when it doesn't have the bond of True Love? I feel it's really important for two people to walk together in Love. "Love" is not instant gratification nor is it isolation. God is love.
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Watched Crash yesterday with emily. I recommand it however i wasn't sure what to do with it after or how to take it. I walked for almost 2hrs after..and finally decided to blog it. The theme is racism but ...in everyone. Whites may be racist about blacks..but similarly, blacks maybe racist towards whites- it's in all of us. We all despise it when we're the victim of the stereotype yet when time is opportune, we easily take the same path. For myself, racial stereotypes are often the key to my sarcastic jokes.

Intro sociology taught us that stereotypes are true for generalizations but false for specific situations. If you look at it from a psychological basis..aren't our treatment of stereotypes similar to self-fulfilling prophecies?

I guess i'm still not sure how to take this movie. To be less "racist"? Maybe if we all stop addin to these stereotypes. Maybe if we stop seeing others through the lense that because this person dresses or is this color..then .... and begin to see others as a person with families, with hardships, that were created by the same Creator. Again, i recommand the movie.
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Last one (i promise), first missions training this saturday. I'm excited, a little scared, eager..
Pray for:
- team unity, dynamics
- that our letter of invitation to teach arrives asap. We need it to apply for visas.