Follow up

Not exactly a week yet but good enough. Thanks to those who prayed for me =) ....it was to get approval & blessing from the elders for a china missions trip this summer =))))) ...tis approved. Finally, since back when...gr 11? gr12?... I'm excited but scared. I won't write too much cuz i'm sure i'll blab about it in person.

Reading week...highly unproductive. Many hours of korean drama, movies, beach and ofcourse REM. Although i didn't accomplish anything on the agenda, the rest was greatly appreciated and once again, i'm up and ready to go for another 2 months...we're almost done another year guys!!! WOOT!

Some may recall how bumbed i was after writing the last exam before reading week (plant phys)...i got my marks back...all but one. Turns out i did pretty well in the neuros and don't need to drop plant, enough grace was given to still finish the course with a decent mark...PRAISE GOD!!!...cuz i know i had nothing to do with it.

I almost forgot...paramount pics is filming a movie on my street. So no traffic from 7pm-6am for 8 days. Who's in the movie?...only MARK WALHBERG (i dunno how to spell his name)!!!...aka Marky Mark.. the white '80's-early '90's rapper with no shirt *drool*....the guy from "The Italian Job"...*fanning myself*...he hee. The scene consists of a car chase down the street and a helicoptor! Factory district has turned into the streets of Chicago during Christms time. They've put up lights and wreaths...it looks quite nice. They start filiming pretty late becaue there will be less people to crowd and harass Mark. So last night at 4am...i was awoken by super loud screetching and breaking sounds of cars..then a loud BANG that sounds like drums ...then the follow up of my dog barking. I opened my eyes and saw the dead tree from across the street was lit up like those at city hall during christmas time. I half consciously got myself out of bed and stumbled to the washroom to relieve myself hoping that the dream would end. No. Came back to bed, pulled out the green Life Brand ear plugs i bought back in september and went back to sleep...sorta. I caught up the rest of my sleep when i got home today. Sigh...my nocturnal routine for the next 7 days. Anyone willing to offering their place?

The next few weeks should be eventful.
Signing off.

Acting on faith & obedience. Please pray, i'll explain in a week.

Feb 14th

In light of this day's significant..or non there of...here's something from one of my favorite books.

"When Love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the North wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so he is for your pruning
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clining to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns to you his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
And these things shall love do unto you that you know the secrets of your heart,
And in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's Heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of Love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonsless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all your tears.

For love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For Love is sufficient unto Love.

When you love you should not say "God is in my heart", but rather "I am in the heart of God."
And think not that you can direct the course of Love, for Love if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire than to fulfill itself,
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires;
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody into the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To rest at the noon hour and mediate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. "

"The Prophet". Kahlil Gibran

Reading Week

FINALY! oh my...i am truely exhausted...TRUELY

So...i had my last (first set) of midterms today (plant phys)...i started studying at 5pm yesterday..til 8pm...oc...then 9-5am..and as i sat there, writing the exam tonight..at first, i was semi-cursing myself...then crying inside...finally i sucked it up and started filling in the rest of the bubbles. I honestly don't know if i even passed the exam. Before plant i got my molecular bio mark back... i thought i aced it...turns out to be my lowest mark so far in 2nd year...that wasn't very nice...never check your marks before you have an exam..what a way to unmotivate you.. sigh. I duno what's wrong with me...i thought i aced it..i was so confident...AHHHH....i was suppose to go to friday night dinner w/ the grandparents..but i couldn't..lost my appetite...lost all emotion.. went to fellowship...dinner...felt better.

Lord...it's so hard to be thankful when i'm "walking through the desert place.."...but thank you for that 61%...Prrrraise you!!!! =) ...it's better than 60%...or 59%..anything that ends with a 9 sucks...thank you Jesus.

so hard..when i was driving to church tonight..i felt like crap..worse than normal crap...DIAHREA CRAP.. sigh...then i realized how much i base my worth on my marks..most of us are like that..but who can say it doesn't hurt when you genuinly put your effort and time into someting only to not see the fruit of your labors..? most of us have probably been there.. It also dawned on me how much i've focuzed on school this semester..is this God's way of "refocuzing" me?...i'm so embarassed and ashamed to say..but when my marks are up there..i "praise" God..but i take the majority of the credit- "it was because of MY hardwork and studying"...yet when my marks drop like the communists..suddenly i try to convince myself..'oh, God is there for me, he has the plans for me..blah blah blah.." arr..I use him to console myself when it sucks and push him aside when all is well..so i guess sometimes, i be at this rock bottom point before my chinky eyes can see Light.

Humble me Lord. If it takes a 60%, let it be

1 more

so tired. Had evolution & neuro today.. 4 down...1 more to go...i'm attempting to pull off something i haven't done since gr10...start studying for an exam 1 day before >_< ....if only plants weren't so boring

korean dramas

at this point...anything to procrastinate.. hence the early oncoming blog entries. What's the saying....'familiarity breeds contempt"?...neuro & i have reached that stage. We'll make up later.

'...girl and boy grew up togehter in the orphanage..girl was an orphage...but the boy was the son of the couple who started the orphanage. Girl and boy grew up together, played together.... like what mandar's would say.. "ching may ju ma"..(i'm not sure exactly how to translate it but basically they're meant to be together)...as both grow up.. the feelings are mutual..and grow stronger. However the other boys from the orphanage don't like boy1...so they pick on him becaues they like girl. Mother sees this and offers girl uni admission & scholarship if she tells boy1 to leave her alone, she doesn't like him. She does just that..but boy1 is persistent..he doesn't let love slip just like that.. he goes after her...asking her why. The other boys sees him and beat him up...boy goes to hospital. Mother gets really upset and tell the girl to leave the orphanage (they're probably around 20..she helps out there)...she begs..but nothing. She leaves..boy finds out she left and choses love over his mother. He finds her and she tells him it was her idea to leave.. she doesn't love him anymore..."

all in 1 episode. You've gotta love these korean dramas but on the other hand...they provide a parallel for romantic comedies in western society.

Romantic Comedies..(although i thoroughly enjoy them myself)...like Benneth suggests..they creat expectations for viewers...& increased pressure on the bf's to live up to that expectation.."look at her bf...he's so romantic...so clever...so funny"...*ahem, it's called Warner Brothers*..

Similarily, in eastern culture you have these melodramas...some tragic love story..that makes your heart break as each hour passes. One template often followed is the almost perfect, competent, weak and submissive girl and the determined boy (as in the above example)..who by various reasons are obviously destined to be together but for whatever reason cannot be. Usually the girl takes on the role of "saving" the boy the burden or heartache of knowing the true reason why she has to leave. This my friends, instead of creating expectations for men, the standard is some what set for the ladies. I feel like Stusky..ha haa..using my 'media awareness' here. First off...when someone tries to "save" you of any hurt when the issue is between the two of you...i think that's actually selfish..because although it might seem noble from the eyes of a view, if you were the guy...or the person being "saved from"..wouldn't you want to do what's up? ...it's like 'thank you for making my choice for me just because you think i'm gonna get hurt'.. perhaps that's just me, i would want to know. In that sense, if i were in a korean drama, it would be tempting to be like the girls...be all dramatic and appear so noble and doing the right thing..but on the other hand..if the person i loved did that to me, i'd want to know..'..

drama is so overrated....sure it's relevant but is it really necessary? ..amanda says....save me the tears and "noble" acts...love is not selfish but..can't selfishness be incognito? .. those koreans really know how to make their series.

random

- 2 down, 3 more to go...honestly worst than finals b/c at least there weren't lectures going on...i think all the bio + neuro profs is conspiring against us...why do they give us reading week when all the exams are before????....WHY????
- neuro & molec bio went well...well...went okay....i think...not too worried bout it cuz i'm more worried bout next week
- plant phys...evol'n & another neuro.. oi...dreading plant...he's so boring.. but i don't mind evol'n, he's pretty interesting..really "challenges" me theoretically.. no hardcore cells & molecs involved. Neuro is alright...hard science yet abstract..cool stuff...(i love how i refer to my courses by pronouns (of the male gender he hee))

- might go backpacking thru Europe this summer w/ a family friend...it's come up..my parents are okay w/ it.. =)) just need to find 2 more ppl
- thinking bout applying for a summer research position...fingers crossed...or day camp..i want a fun-full time-summer job

Weekend (even thoug it's already fri)
- studied at NY (north york) lib
- "met my future husband...he used his pants-peeing-charming humor.. than i peed myself"...and had to borrow pants... he he...yes sam
- dinner w/ sam & adrian...i felt like a big girl cuz i drove =)
- communal karaoking in the car after...he hee...bsb, 98degrees, more bsb...those boys can really unite ppl
- convinced adrian to come to tcac on sunday...muhahaa =) ...he enjoyed it guys!
- nap
- spent time w/ my faithfuls..i.e. neuro & molec bio...fun times..almost as much as bsb

I had this really cool conversation w/ mic & geoff the other day...it was bout evol'n...some genius speaker guy was sharing..the Bible tells us that God first created heavens & earth (Gen 1:1)...that's matter..which has...mass i belive...then He created light & separated it for night/day (v3-5)...light has velocity...but velocity depends on time & distance..so that's time & space created...so basically as God created these more "tangible" things that the bible mentions...there are also these little things of physics that comes along w/ it..that we overlook...i thought that was pretty cool..geoff went on bout other stuff...i got lost but pretended to understand..ha haa =)

Tmw...fri night dinners w/ my grandparents...they feed me until i get sleepy...meanwhile i teach grams 3 vocab words each week...and my "Lou Ye" keeps asking me how to spell "oatmeal"..he hee