I'm not sure what happend but second year is over!

Last plant physiology lecture!!!...life is good =) as we sat there in the last 5min, it reminded me of how happy i was high school was finally over. Such joy of complishing something and never have to see it again...except in this class, i really really never want to experience it again. [Andrea: i know you feel the sam! =))

I watch way too much tv.
Got accepted for China. Training starts in May.
3 more days of classes- 7 more hrs.
Spring. *smiles*...*big breath*.. beautiful. I'm waiting for the day when i can sit outside on the grass and tan. School looks alot nicer in the spring.

Feeling disconnected/antisocial/isolated etc.
Not sure if it's the time spent on studying (or lack of), pms, or just me.
*cue violin music* ...these are the times when i miss high school.

btw. i wore my PCA uniform on monday (cardigan, white shirt, tie, pin...minus the kilt) and i DID NOT button my top collar. Brought back nice memories and some laughs.

Last (8th) midterm tmw. About time.

Motivation

Seriously lacking (motivation) right now- esp school. It's ironic b/c the exam coming up is about motivation.. well the neurobiology & neurocircuitry behind it. I wish i can take some drugs or get some microelectrodes so i can stimulate myself back to having it. heh.. right.

I realized i don't work well in a competing environment. Although my previous blog probably eluded to it. Like with these exams.. the profs want us to do bad inorder to maintain the perfect bell curve..i.e. class avg at 65%. Sigh...it's so discouraging.. he wants us to do bad!!! Some ppl thrive on this...it challenges/motivates them. But for myself, i much rather be in an env't where ppl build each other up and help each other...but then i guess everyone would do well and there would be no evenly distributed, normal curve.

I went to a Japanese percussion concert last night. It was interesting. There were two emsembles..one being a tranditional Jap group..and the other being these 2 guys (think they're called GaPa and featuring this other guy). I really enjoyed the Jap group...they used traditional drums..and cymbols...and it sounded very.. um.. "ethnic". But the other group just seemed to use ANYTHING to make repeptitive beats. I'm probably the one who can't appreciate all this "culture"..but it started to get boring after a while. At first i thought it was really cool how he was using the piece of block he was sitting on to make music...but after a while it got boring. And some of the pieces were scary.. it you closed your eyes it sounded like a horror movie. Overall, it was too much sensory stimulation for me. I got a really bad headache by the end of the night. This is what happens when i try to be "cultured".

Last one

My last chance to procrastinate before hibernating. Neuro exam in 3 days- this one is known to fail ppl. Only 7 passed last year. Right now, I know nothing.

This weekend.
I stayed at school til around 6pm to study on friday night. I love studying there when the school is empty. It feels like you have the whole campus to yourself...but it can get a little scary. Went to oasis...it was nice to get there early to pray for the retreat (Thanks for organizing/serving aaron). Oasis went well, i really enjoyed our discussion. I needed the reminder that worship is a lifestyle.
So tired, went out for coffee after- not regreting it, just really tired =)

Went home and studied til 3am. My friend came around 10am. I took her to pacific mall and she went nuts. Over stimulation for the poor deprived-ottawa girl. I quote her, "who needs to go to china to buy food when you can come to toronto?". We spent about 6hrs there- i've never been in that mall for so long. Omgosh...we must have spent 2hrs just looking at sationary....in the SAME store (to all you men out there, i feel for you). We later had kbbq with a mutual friend that use to go to OttawaU and now goes to UTSC.- good times. We went home and talked .mostly about boys for a bit then she went to bed. I finsihed making my study notes and went to bed. So tired.

I picked her up from her interview this morning then we went for lunch at the big chinatown. Again, she bought lots of food. She thinks i'm crazy cuz i'm not drinking bubble tea 24/7 and show no special attraction to chinese bakeries.

Although i didn't get direct chance to witness to her, i hope she saw some difference in me through our conversations and interaction in the day and half. I recall the last time she visited a few years ago, i was super shameless and just started witness to her. Ah. Sometimes i think i need that kind of naivity and just sharing openly & freely about Christ. But then again, most ppl are not converted by one conversation.. She said we need to keep in touch via msn, so hopefully the Holy Spirit will work in her. Btw, i met this girl in gr1 ...and our mom's have been super close since...yep, craziness!

After she left, i studied for a bit and then took a nap. Feeling gross.
Went to the MSI (missions agency i'm applying to go to china with) prayer meeting. It went relatively well. I got more info about the trip i'm applying for and it was really awesome praying & conversing w/ ppl who also have a burden for china. GO CHINA! A doctor was sharing about his upcoming trip to china for 4 months. Some of the things he shared really stuck with me. I don't remember the exactly quotes but here is the just of it:

1. Unless we get a calling to stay home, we should be serving in missions- not the other way around
2. Our life is like a battery...are we going to give it up and serve God when we're reached retirement (the battery is almost dead) or are we going to give it over to him when it's still full (when we're in our prime).

i went to study and remembered the 3rd point he shared,
3. There's a story of James Hudson Taylor (founder of OMF) & Mr Ni, after converting a buddhist monk. The monk asked Taylor how long he's known of this Truth...Taylor replied a one hundred so years. The monk asked, "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?"..the monk's father was seeking truth and has now passed away....at this time, Taylor was 21 years old. sigh...why don't WE go sooner?

the harvest is plentiful & the workers are few. Ask and you shall receive.

Lastly, as he shared about his reasons and burden to go. It made me think about my own. Alot of my friends and especially friends from family connections are spending and heavily working towards getting into this med school or that pharm school...or pursuing whatever grad study. I think somewhere that has not completely reached my consciousness, a part of me is afraid of doing these things b/c i'm afraid of rejection/disappointment/ being compared to those who have "succeeded"...so i simply resort to the default position of not even trying.

So i question myself...am i only serving b/c i don't want to "compete" with others in research positions or by writing the mcat or ____ ....i know the reason why i'm going to china this summer, there's no doubt about that but i still question myself. Perhaps my willingness to serve overseas is b/c i'm NOT afraid to give up time or whatever it is b/c i'm not going to pursue those things anyway-....then i'm NOT giving God my best, i'm only giving him my default plan...

Even as i putting these words down and read them, i believe there's a spiritual battle going on, one involving doubt & fear. Keep me in your prayers.

Busy busyness. In a good way.

The last couple of weeks consisted of diverse and eventful things. Some more demanding than others. Some more interesting and entertaining than others but overall just eventful. Some highlights..
- OC (oasis fellowship committee) meeting... we got alot done! YAY...and relatively we weren't as distracted as other times...i'm looking forward to our summer retreat.
- SixDays (Capstone) worship night at tcac... amazing. Wow. I'll leave it at that.
- Christ Awareness Days @ utsc...i think the guy's name is Tony Costa..he came for a Q/A kinda thing. I had an exam during that time frame so only made it for the last 30min. Even though only a sitcom can fit into that period of time..in 30min this guy covered many diverse issues. He seems to konw his stuff.
- UofT Gospel Choir...this group of people are truely blessed. They sound so amazing and their songs of praise is a great way to testify about God. If you ever get an opportunity, hear them out! ...i also noticed one of my TA's up there..pretty cool =)
- midterm #6 done....don't ask me how it went..i really don't know. If i did horrible i wouldn't be surprised...if i aced it, i wouldn't be surprised either. I guess we'll find out next week. Only 2 more to go in the next 2 weeks...then 2 weeks of tying up lose ends
- forgot to turn off the car's headlights again...for 8hrs..waited 1hr in the car for CAA to come. They lie!...i ended up getting home around 8:30 with an exam the next time. Ha haa.. but what's life without such events.. predictability/security is too overrated. Hence my absent-mindedness spices things up.
- Mickle asked if we can start doing devos together...pray for us =) ...thanks for asking babe!

Haven't been online much. I'm getting use to this 10hrs of school a day kinda thing. Makes studying more efficient b/c i'm less distracted. Good stuff.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend. One of my bestfriends from when i was young is coming to T.O (from Ottawa) for her med school interview @ UT and she's going to be staying with us. We're gonna play tourists on saturday and major catch up... yay..i'm really excited =))

A recent issues that's come up is allowing others to photocopy my notes. 2 instances with 2 diff ppl...both for the 2 neuroscience courses. In neuro, he gives us lecture notes to print out but it's so minimal so i record each lecture and listen to it after, adding additional info to my babies. I spend around 8hrs each week just replaying, listening & writing from the tapes i've recorded from lecture..then cross reference w/ the text to add more. So as a result, i've become REALLY REALLY possessive/protective of my lecture notes. I don't know about other courses..but believe you me..good notes in bio courses makes all the difference. The problem.. these 2 guys have either skipped classes during the midterm rush or not take notes in class..and now wants to borrow mine. Sigh. I've talked to a few ppl about this.. i know they're just notes, not a big deal..but i put ALOT of work into them. And i just feel jipped and unfair sharing them w/ ppl who chose to sleep in and not put in the effort. It's a different story if the person asking also works really hard. Arg. Comment/suggestions?

...just to hint to the ending..well more like conclusion..i gave one of the guys my notes today and the other tmw. But i DON'T want to reinforce this kind of behavior!