a mesh of everything: Zero, Reason and Evolution

It's been a good week. Many things to learn from. The week started off slow, as usual...mondays are always a nice way to get into the week. On tues, I had a spontanous evaluation of my competency in stats..aka. "surprise" quiz. We all knew about it. But since it's best 2 out of 3 quizzes, and this being my last, i didn't bother studying. Ha....aot 0!. ZERO!!! Ah. I wasn't sulking over it but it goes to show what studying can do.

On thurs, i had the privledge of attening a seminar by my ecology prof entitled, 'Alternatives to Medicine'. I went to this seminar last year.. that was the first time i heard him speak. I think he was alot more inspirational this year or perhaps the fading memory of the past has hindered its effect. I really respect this man. His intengrity and and passion truely inspire me. And on thursday, he shared his convictions with about 400 undergraduates. If you know me well, some of you maybe sense a long monologue coming on he hee. To give you some info about this guy, he has a degree in chem. He has his MD (medical doc)- finished top in his class. He taught at Western Med school. He has his post doc and currently does research & teach at utsc. He said he wanted to be doc cuz he wanted to help ppl..but at about 3rd yr, he realized that a doc is like a mechanic..you figure out what's wrong and try to fix it. So instead of being in a profession that does that..which may get tedious, he decided to pursue a career that is more creative..that find cures, that requires...more thinking. He said how the brightest students shouldn't be pursuing med, they should be pursuing research. I partially agree w/ that..but some people are ment to be doctors. He also talked about "raison d'etre"... you don't have to be a doc to help ppl...you can work at the bank and help ppl...or raise your kids in a Godly manner and that'd be helping. He basically said that most ppl wants to be a doc for the glory, fame and ofcourse $$$. He said the doctors like those w/ Doctors w/o Boarders are the ones who deserve our respect...the docs who are trying to find cures are the real deal. It was motivational...not so much to go into research or go into med school or any particular profession for that matter...it motivated me to find my place...to find God's place for me...to find my 'reason to be'....to be and be doing what it is i will be doing...and in all of it, to love it. I know that with only a B.sc., it will get me nowhere..and that kinda makes me sad..but as the One who provides open doors, i'd be gladly to walk thru...and if this door closes for me...i'll take the humble position.

Speaking of which, i find myself 'nervous' about taking "Evolution" next semester. I've been struggling on and off with this througbout the semester. It's difficult to articulate how i feel about it partially b/c i'm not really sure what my stance is yet. I know there are different segments or parts of evolution...some i don't agree with and others i can't possibly deny. I think my wrestling w/ this issue is my inability to come to terms with understand how such beliefs can coexist with my faith and the implications of that. Arg. I don't like discussing this issue w/ some ppl (perhaps it's my pride) b/c they're talking gibberish..when they think of evol'n, they think big bang and apes into humans....hunny, there's so much more! Competition, predation...they're are forces that drive natural selection..and ultimately change...and we see this everyday. I wish i can speak with an older Christian..and has wrestled with this themselves...

One person i've shared this with and whose opinion i trust is a friend at school. He's also a Christan and is hardcore when it comes to science. He shared the similar struggle... he said how maybe we just need to take that humble position of not knowing. I'm okay with not knowing about how everything came to be the way it is...if God created everything the way it is now or what not. I just want to know how being a Christian and a scientist can coexist peacefully- if i'm doing research, i can't just say 'oh, God made it like this'. I would lose all respect and integrity as a scientist. But how 'far' do i go as to defending evolution? I know science isn't everything..it can't explain everything...there is no evolution of the soul. But arg..I don't want to run away from this issue; butter it up and hide it under the couch. I don't think we're meant to avoid an issue just because it's hard. Oi. The truth sets us free..and God says we'll find truth if we seek it.

Finally, on fri, went to stats..then lunch with the friend i mentioned in the above. It was fun times..we discovered we both know the same girl from ottawa (childhood bestfriend)...it was also nice to talk to him just cuz he's SOOO smart..and ambitious and humble..wow.. it sorta motivated me... we went back to school to study but saw my ecology T.A. & anita..so we talked for a while about predation models..the guy is pretty cool and it was helpful. Studied a bit and then went to see incredibles w/ peoples people..GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK BRENT! the movie is so good! he hee...we went for coffee after..then mickle came after work and 'spiced up' the conversation =) I love my black stallion.

Ugh

Hmm..let's see. All was well until 1hr ago. What happend 1hr ago? I went online and saw my neuro lab exam mark. I can't see that i'm not disappointed. I tried so hard with this exam, ah, if not 100% effort, 95%. I guess it just hurts when you don't see the fruit of your efforts. It's like the blond from the bachelor...how she didn't get picked. Ha haa...maybe i'm not THAT heart broken but it still sucks.

Sucky. Sucky. Sucky. Sucky. Sucky! I need to go for a jog..and maybe some chocolate. Sigh

Fini

It's for sure this time. I'm official done the long road of 7 midterms + 1 lab exam =) Oh man, where do i start. First, a mother of a "THANKS" to Andrea & Brandon for helping me study. Those two are so awesome. Although preping for this exam has been really stressful..not because the material is hard, just simply SOOOO much testable material...i know i can do it but how fast?..it's one of those exams that can make you cry because you know it's attainable....looking back, i really liked this challenge. I mean, what is life/school without a challenge? Sure, you might do well but you can't walk out of it saying you've had to figh to earn it and feeling that you've been pushed to your potential...or a higher standard. I feel like i should get bragging rights for memorizing 40pgs of brain structures he he. Show me a brain, cut it in different ways and i'll give you the names to all of that! BOOYA! It still amazes me how amazing the Creator is. The brain is too intracate to be caused by forces of evolution..random chance that the circle of Willis has 4 entry points? i think not! So humbling.

"EXHALE". I'm really excited about the next 3 weeks- fellowship, shopping, work, no exams, interacting with people again and only TWO weeks of classes left (then finals but let's not talk about that yet). I'm also feeling a nice visit to PCA, i owe a huge thanks to Mrs Lee, that woman was a crazy bio teacher but she prepared us so well...memorize the entire process (NAMES AND STRUCTURES) of cell respiration he hee..oh man, how can one forget.

Him & I

Continuing on with this relationship theme, i thought you'd all like to know that i have a new interest. Let's call him Dolly (quite masculine if you ask me). Yep, I've moved from prof (too alive) to my textbook (too dead) to finally my sheep brain (too perfect ^__^) heh. About most of you are probably thinking i'm going crazy but whose to argue? Apparently my whole entry about freedom came too soon. I underestimated how much my neuro lab exam consisted of and how much 40pg of brain structures really is. Sigh. This next week is going to be super brainy (no pun intended) and super immigranty (i.e. a flash back of oac bio- amanda murmuring random words that she can't spell but has to say it like that to remember how to spell it..."hebenulo-interpeduncular tract", "septum pellicudum" or "subcallosal fasciculus"?) and hellllllllllo Dolly *wink*

If you wanna check Dolly out, there are a few websites my friend made.. www.neuroscience.8m.net and www.geocities.com/kzi1/main.html

I had a super unproductive yet fun weekend :) I was able to get together w/ dee friday nite after neuro exam. Lots of girl talk. Then on sat the girl talk continues with adrian *smile*. We had a martha stewart evening with baking cheesecake & cookies he hee... light! =) Then sunday was definitly a day of rest. Church in the moring. When i got home i was "tired"...so a nap it is..by the time i woke up it was dark.. he hee. That's literally all the productiveness of my weekend....i spent all of last night studying for my suprise stats quiz for today. Took me 2hrs b/c i've been quite consistent with being late for tutorial for the past..oh..month..he hee..so i'm kinda lost with everything after the miderm...but getting perfect on the quiz was worth it =) And today i started my journey of 40pgs..not as bad as 40yrs in the desert but ya he hee.

1 Month Anniversary

Wow. I can't believe we've lasted this long. To think that only ~30days ago was when we first met. I must say that it's been a joy ride- many unexpected surprises, tears, laughs and a handful of countless, sleepless nights. But every good thing must come to an end. And tonight, i say goodbye to Mr.Midterms. Yes, i say good bye to you! Muhahaa. It's OVER!!! (until 2 weeks from now that is). Man, feels so good. This has been the most disciplined 1 month ever. I can't recall another time when i've applied myself so much so W/O leaving things to the last minute. Studying really pays off. No wait, time spent studying really pays off. And the cool thing is, i'm enjoying what i'm learning...again (esp. eco *wink*). Some of you may recall last year this time. I was kinda worried about where my studies were headed. But after going to Urbana, i realized a really important point- God will open doors and He will close doors in order to direct me to where i need to be. I'm starting to get a sense of that now. It's... enlightening. Definitly. Now the question is whether i can let my pride go and follow this primer.

What's next? Catching up on all the readings i'm being in. Memorizing 40 pgs of brain structures *tear*. There's a lecture next wed nite at UTSC (7pm). It's called Watt's Lecture. One of the founders of Doctors w/o Boarders, Dr. James Orbinski is giving it. The topic is called "Human Places, Deadly Places & Humanitarian Action in the 21st Century". I'm really looking forward to it. Tell me if you're interested =) I think Herbert will be there he hee.

Christians...good stewards of the Earth

Every Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 10am, I walk into the largest lecture hall on campus excited about the coming hour. I sit, I listen actively, I take notes, and I record the lecture in fear of missing a few words or sentences that the professor might share.
10 minutes ago, I finished listening to my last lecture. I can still feel my blood rapidly translocating throughout my body (not b/c of an earlier hotpot meal) but b/c of conviction from what I just heard- the Human Population, Can we feed everyone?

My writing this is not intend to play everyone for a guilt trip. My intention is to inform. I realize that most of us feel very disconnected when topics of world hunger are brought to surface but it is my plea that you read this. I also realized that living in a North American society, we are fed so much information- to the point of information overload (I hope this will be different). We all know about suffering, about world hunger. We’ve all seen sad, starving children on television from less developed countries, “eliciting” us for money. And our response…simply change the channel to find something more exciting. I know I do it way too often. And I think to myself, as 20 year old mainlander, chocolate loving girl, what can I possibly do? Pray? Ofcourse…but what else? Sponsor a child? Give money? Okay…sure…but at the end of the day what rights have I really surrendered? Don’t I go back to eating my nice carnivorous meals? Driving my nice fossil fuel burning car? and print my many pages of notes for class? and flush my toilet “x” number times a day each time I take a leak that is about a few cubic centimeters in volume? The answer is a shameful yet resounding YES!

In following I attempt to share the statistics that proved this issue to be a burden. I will also offer an idea- something that we can surrender. And lastly I will add a reason to doing so than just simply for the better of the environment.

- Most of us have probably heard that 5% of the world population consumes more than 30% of the world resources. You and I are in that 5%.
- If everyone on earth RIGHt NOW were to consume resources you and i do, we would need 3 planet Earth’s in order to sustain it…hence our lifestyles ARE NOT SUSTAINABLE! Although that's only a hypothetical situation, think of how fast consumption rates in places like China is growing- everyone wants to have a car, do what we enjoy...
- At this point with all the food made, the world has enough to feed EVERYONE (6.4 billion ppl) with sufficient calories and a handful left over. It’s not politics that keeps us from doing so, it’s asymmetry! It’s our lifestyles. By the way things are going on, in 20 years, we won’t be able to say these words b/c there won’t be enough food to feed all the mouths.
- 790million ppl are on the verge of starvation1.2billion are chronically hungry. Suffer from insufficient calorie intake

[CONTINUED] Christians...good stewarts of the Earth

I know all these numbers are really pessimistic. But we must also realize that science has been improving amazingly. While people are hungry and dying, there are others, the heroes of our time in the rice fields of Asia advancing the methods of agriculture. The total world grain production has been increasing and will continue thanks to ecologists. There has been 3 times in grain production, which saved the lives of 800million people. However despite all efforts the world grain production PER CAPITA has slightly decreased. How can that be? Because pop’n, beause consumption rates has increased. More mouths to feed than that are to feed it. Here are some more stats that are closer to home

- 70% of all grain production in N.America goes towards feeding cattle. No no, you and I don’t eat it, the cows do! Why? B/c we like eating cows.

- As a rule of thumb, the food that you and I put into our mouths here in Canada has traveled 2900km to get here. So? This means that we put more energy into PRODUCING ENERGY out of food than we get from food. That’s one of those sentences you need to say more times to grasp. We put more effort in getting food than what we get in return. In mathematics, I believe this will result in a negative slope (i.e. not good). But how is this possible? I just go to Chinatown/No Frills to pick up my goodies. Think of the Haber Basch process that gives us nitrogen, pesticide used , fertilizers needed, trucks & trains to transport food, coolers to keep our cheese fresh…all requires energy that does not just fall out of the sky. Energy from the sun does not turn cows into a carton of milk. I apologize for making my readers sound like elementary school graders but I feel just as disconnected from this issue and these examples only drives the point further in my own heart.

Finally, the girl is finished rambling about stats and making everyone feel bad. But now, what can we do about all this? Something we can do that will cost us something. Cost you say? But cost sucks. Ha, yea. But hear me out. If we all consumed 1 meal of meat a week, we can feed 2 TIMES more people on earth. Imagine the implications of that. Wow. That is 12.8billon mouths if we simply rationed our meat consumption to once a week. I cringe at the thought of that (not more chicken feet? No more tripe? No more _____? But still chocolate J). Unlike Mr. Swifts’ ‘Modest Proposal’, this really is modest. We CAN accomplish this. Some of us might be wondering how this is possible? I won’t go into details about it here seeing how I have already maximizing the attention span of many. You can ask me individually.

Lastly, my point for partaking in this type of giving is not just to be a good human citizen. Did God not entrust Adam with all things? As creations that reside on Earth and for some, as children of God, we’re asked to have love for our God, for each other and to have faith. We’re also called to be good stewards of this amazing planet that He’s created. It’s not about having a comfortable lifestyle where we eat anything, use anything, destroy anything that will give us pleasure and comfort and leave the consequences to the subsequent generation (BTW, in 58years, Earth’s population is expected to double, that is 12.8billon people. Most of us will be our [dare I say it] late 70’s). We’re called, we’re commanded to take care of those that we’re trusted with- although it might seem silly, one of those trusted things is this temporary home here. I apologize for making this entry so long and I think those who’ve made it this far. I know I’m going to need accountability and follow up for these words. It’s easy to be so burdened by this issue right after listening to a lecture but I know it’s going to another story next week. Now who’s with me?